Another of my series of job applications for a human factors team in CA.
Recruiting Coordinator IDEO
Palo Alto, CA
RE: Human Factors Specialist
Dear IDEO Recruiting Coordinator:
Research proves there is not enough Johnny Depp
In response to IDEO’s human factors challenge, I observed women leaving theaters where Johnny Depp films were screened. I carefully noted the women fans’ dreamy or lusty comments. After three theater lobby fact-finding sessions, I concluded that there is simply not enough Johnny Depps to satisfy the desires of women who wish to personally interact with Mr. Depp. Having affirmed by direct observation that a lack of Johnny Depp is a condition common to many, I convened a group of women who personally suffer from Depp Lack. The resulting team is composed of a proactive group of filmgoers, a professor of Radio, Television and Film and a Vice-President of a historical research company. This small but innovative team set out to solve the Lack of Depp syndome suffered by themselves and by their sisters in Depplessness.
First, the team readily acknowledged that there are men who bemoan a Deppless condition, however, as feminists, the team decided to ignore Deppless men because they can take care of themselves with their own human factors methodology. Thus, the team deliberately focused on the target audience of female Johnny Depp fans.
Building on our initial research observations, we conducted intense Internet research of the Johnny Depp fan sites. The extensive resources of the World Wide Web indicate high Depp-longing indicators validating our initial findings. There really really really is not enough Johnny Depp to go around. The fan fiction sites are graphically specific on this topic.
One key observation led us to the next creative step. We noted that most of the observed Johnny Depp fans share one important trait with the object of their desire, the fans and their movie star wear makeup! Starting from this point of commonality we devised a vehicle for women to apply their own make up to Mr. Depp in order to merge identities. In addition to interacting with Mr. Depp’s visage, users have the option to write fantasy statements on the subject of putting their own make up on Mr. Depp. Thus the enclosed Johnny Depp coloring book was born. Note that this prototype violates many copyrights and is presented as a proof of concept and not proof of pirate.
I am an artist-generalist with a Ph.D. in communications, fine arts, and education with professional experience in e-commerce, distance learning, usability, and art promotion. I hope you will consider me for a position in IDEO’s human factors team.
Use your makeup on Johnny’s face
Johnny Depp fans share one important trait with Johnny Depp --
fans and movie stars wear makeup!
The Johnny Depp Coloring Book is a way for you to apply your own makeup directly to Mr. Depp to create colorful expressions of your appreciation and affection.
The heavy-duty paper will stand up to layers of makeup. When you are happy with your artwork, spray the page with hair spray to set any powders such as eyeshadow or blush. Vellum interleaving pages will protect your artwork.
In addition to coloring Johnny Depp with your make up, use the margins of the pages to write stories about Johnny.