honoriartist (honoriartist) wrote,

career meditation

My personal coach suggested a question for me to consider: How did the need to support my family affect my career?

My need to support my little family lead to the birth of my honoria persona. If Madelyn continued to try to be a gallery artist I believe she would have failed, maybe not. The kid has talent but not the kind of marketing skill needed, also she didn't really believe in the gallery system - still doesn't.

However earning a living by being daily behind an administrative assistant mask and its networked machine caused her creativity to go straight through the computer. The secret life of office machines has been the operational thrill of more than one administrative assistant that much is sure. So I became familiar with life online and its experimental virtual communities. I met other experimenting navigators from around and about. I experienced freedom and appreciation for my online creativity, even if at that time it was mostly expressed in ASCII text. So honoria gained confidence and freedom while Madelyn made her bosses look good by answering the phones and the walk-in office traffic with warmth and professionalism. Being honoria was almost a vacation for Madelyn and, as honoria became more accomplished, Madelyn was quite proud of her. honoria didn't have to support the family and Madelyn didn't strive to advance her career except by going back to school and supporting the family on financial aid - about the same as she was making as a administrative assistant. Once Madelyn was enrolled in school she realized she was free to think, and since freedom was more a quality of honoria, she just let honoria go to school and honoria was very multidisciplinary finding the avant garde professors with the most edgy and creative courses all over the University. We blew over 100K borrowing student loans and making good grades, got a BA then a Master's, and now soon a Ph.D. We were and still are hooked on learning. honoria won awards and Madelyn picked up odd jobs, honoria even got a job being a creative virtual community facilitator and made more than Madelyn did. Ah the bubble!

I don't feel these two parts of me are at odds with each other at all. They helped get a lot more done than only one identity ever could have, however, now there is change in the air. With a new Ph.D. I hope that it's time for honoria and Madelyn to be able to work at the same job and realize their potential. If not, they can still make art and answer the phones.

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